HOOVER HIGH SCHOOL DRAMA

MAXWELL SMART, secret agent for CONTROL.  “Movements and mannerisms clearly portray profession”.  Means well, but clumsy and sometimes too literal of an interpreter.  Underlying romantic tension with Agent 99.

HELEN, student of Professor Dante.  All students are earnest to help Professor Dante, exasperated by Professor Zalinka.

MYRA, student of Professor Dante.  A little snooty at Smart’s appearance.

JANE, student of Professor Dante.  Pokes fun at Agents 13 and 44.

FRED, student of Professor Dante

PROFESSOR DANTE, a scientist.  Invented the “inthermo”, which is a device powerful enough to “alter the present structure of world power”.  Patient, a little distracted.

PROFESSOR ZALINKA, Professor Dante’s assistant.  An attractive but severe-looking woman.  Sarcastic and seems permanently annoyed.  Undercover KAOS agent.

AGENT 44, a male CONTROL agent.  Young, nervous agent.  Often assigned to hide/spy in ridiculous places like a trash can and usually ends up a crying mess.  “Desperately sorry for himself.”  Crier – which is unfortunate because Chief hates having his men cry. 

CHIEF, head of CONTROL.  Went bald after Smart had been working for him for two weeks.  Fatherly type in mid-fifties.  Usually warm, frank and friendly, smokes a pipe and wears a cardigan sweater under his jacket.  In times of stress he can be grim and demanding.  Needs good, authoritative speaking voice for a few off-stage voiceover moments.

MISS FINCH, Chief’s secretary.  Attractive.  Efficient.  Means well, sometimes curt.

HODGKINS, Chief’s assistant.  Expert on gadgets and weapons.  Incredibly irked by Smart’s inattentiveness and clumsiness.

MAN, at bus station.  Bit part.  Probably married to Woman.  Defensive.

WOMAN, at bus station.  Bit part.  Probably married to Man.  Annoyed that he was listening to the radio.

GARTH, KAOS agent.  Large, dangerous looking thug.  Annoyed, gets beat up.  Poses as waiter at Chinese restaurant with Wong girls.  Must be bigger than Professor Dante.

MARY WONG, KAOS agent.  Tall, beautiful.  Make-up and costume suggest Chinese origin.  As dead-pan as possible.  Very similar in appearance to other WONG girls. 

SHIRLEY WONG, KAOS agent.  Tall, beautiful.  Make-up and costume suggest Chinese origin.  As dead-pan as possible.  Very similar in appearance to other WONG girls.

BETSY WONG, KAOS agent.  Tall, beautiful.  Make-up and costume suggest Chinese origin.  As dead-pan as possible.  Very similar in appearance to other WONG girls.  Most easily irritated of the three Wongs.

MR. BIG, head of KAOS.  Immaculately groomed, urbane, poised, charming – and the smallest actor of the cast.  Must have good speaking voice for off-stage “Voice of KAOS” voiceovers. 

BIG SISTER, traveler at bus station and later seen at Chinese restaurant.  A couple years older than Little Sister.  Bit part. 

LITTLE SISTER, traveler at bus station and later seen at Chinese restaurant.  Age 14 and a half.  Bit part.

AGENT 99, Smart’s female assistant.  Beautiful and Smart is immediately attracted to her.  Some underlying romantic tension throughout show.

AGENT 13, another male CONTROL agent.  Hides in strange places like the top of 3 lockers at the bus station.  While Agent 44 is a crier, Agent 13 is cranky.

ANN, blonde kidnapped by KAOS and goes teeny-bopper crazy out of admiration and awe whenever a certain song by a pop artist is played (think 12 year old girls crying for the Jonas Brothers).  Naïve, assumes kidnapping is a publicity stunt, not aware of danger.

JILL, blonde kidnapped by KAOS and goes teeny-bopper crazy out of admiration and awe whenever a certain song by a pop artist is played (think 12 year old girls crying for the Jonas Brothers).  Naïve, assumes kidnapping is a publicity stunt, not aware of danger.

MAY, blonde kidnapped by KAOS and goes teeny-bopper crazy out of admiration and awe whenever a certain song by a pop artist is played (think 12 year old girls crying for the Jonas Brothers).  Naïve, assumes kidnapping is a publicity stunt, not aware of danger.

LAURA, blonde kidnapped by KAOS and goes teeny-bopper crazy out of admiration and awe whenever a certain song by a pop artist is played (think 12 year old girls crying for the Jonas Brothers).  Naïve, assumes kidnapping is a publicity stunt, not aware of danger.

PRINCESS INGRID, also a blonde.  20 year old Princess of Scandinavia.  Tall, blonde, Nordic, full of life and vivacious.  Greets Smart by kissing him.  Wants nothing more than to have fun for once.  Later kidnapped and disguised as Wong girl.

Voice, offstage: Low key, official sounding, serious yet confidential narrator of sorts. Radio voice.